The smoke curls could talk with me in order to solace me in deep depressions and it could pat my heart with feather touches during the pleasurable occasions. It would become my only mate when the sleep stays away from me in the nights due to disturbing thoughts of unbearable burdens.
On the years passing, this intimacy seems fading out as the body got weakened day by day. Limbs got leaned, ears blunted and one of the eyelids lowered near to close. Wife, who has highly been cautioned by the doctor, closed all the doors of reaching a single piece of cigarette to my hands. If I could have moved a bit from the cot I would have arranged myself something to take a puff. But standing up from that cot itself turned only a dream since my body weakened to that extend.
'How can I withstand this travail? How lovely had I treated my wife and how fondly had I taken care of my children! How vital was I when I had come across to fulfill their desires. Yet, why they couldn’t understand my feelings? What the serious sin I committed for being punished through this agony'.
The more the days pass the faster uneasiness grows, and I am afraid I would die unless savoring a mouthful of smoke. I scrabbled everywhere around the bed, possibly a cigarette might have found. But no use at all. Despairingly, every single pieces have been taken away from my reach.
My scrabbling fingers touched the table drawer which contained only a paper that seems a document. Oh, it is my medical report. I didn’t see that so far. At least this is the time to go through it just to understand which ailment I have been suffering from and what the treatments I have been undergone.
Curiously going through the shining letters of that smooth paper, it seemed the weight of my head is increasing. A sharp pain began from a point of the brain likely stabbing a needle into it. My body started fainting and the eyes began blurring. The paper slipped down out of the fingers and slowly fell down to the cot. The medical report says about a deadly disease I never imagined! What a terrible travail! Only by now I came to know that all my dear ones were hiding the seriousness of ruthless fate out of my knowledge so far!
My debut into the smoking was during my early childhood. Non-smokers were considered as impotent and immature fellows those days. Odd customs of that time! Gradually the habit started hugging me with its deceitful affection. An unbreakable addiction had developed by the time I grew mature. But it was too late. I had never foreseen that this feather touching relationship would turn a squeezing iron fist that would lethally corrode my entire body and health. I had thrown this habit away several times due to the disturbing advices from many well-wishers. But, at any occasions, the smoke didn't let me stay alone more than a week maximum.
Now, the thought of upcoming deadly consequences startles me. The immediate victims of the disaster are teenager son, who didn't reach a position to take over the burdens yet, wife, an ocean of love who silently suffers everything and the hapless daughters, who still dream a married life. I don't know how they will lead the life in my absence. Lord, you are only the refuge for them ahead.
'If there had any paternally respectable one in my childhood to caution me about this catastrophic end, surely I wouldn't have taken a single puff of tobacco at all!'
The summer rain grows stronger and stronger out-side. I felt all of my life dreams that I have been looking after for many years, turn curly smokes and the heavy downpour dissolves them and takes them away from me.
Picture from : midatlanticarthritis.wordpress.com